When Aging Changes the Story: Understanding Dementia’s Stages Without Losing Yourself

Recently i’ve been reading and working on understand dementia. my mother has it my grandmother had it, and I can’t tell you how many people I’ve spoken to who either are in or have had similar family members experience it. It’s a devastating disease and there  are conversations we think we’ll never have — and then life hands them to us. Seems like I’ve been having more and more of those conversations about it. Not in a clinical way, not as a doctor, but simply as someone caring for an older loved one whose world is slowly changing.

And what surprises me?

The moment I mention dementia, someone almost inevitably says:

“I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

 - It’s their mother.

- Their grandmother.

- Their husband’s mother.

Or someone they help look after.

Dementia is incredibly common, but the information people actually need is scattered, overwhelming, or drenched in clinical jargon that doesn’t match the real-life experience. And when you’re in the thick of it — balancing love, worry, exhaustion, and acceptance — clarity matters.

Sometimes just knowing what’s normal lifts a huge emotional weight.

So I want to share a simple roadmap of how dementia typically progresses — not to make anyone an expert, but to soften the fear my own family felt when we didn’t know what was happening.

This isn’t medical advice.

It’s a map.

A way to make the journey less frightening and more familiar.

The 7 Stages of Dementia (The Version Real Families Need)

Dementia doesn’t unfold in one straight line. It moves in steps: dips, plateaus, sudden drops, then long stretches of “holding steady.” Most families don’t recognize the stages at first — they just notice something feels different.

My loved one is in late Stage 5 / early Stage 6 now. She still dresses, eats, and walks independently, but she misplaces things, repeats questions, and sometimes believes she’s living in a much earlier chapter of her life.

Here’s how the stages generally unfold in a way real families can understand:

Stage 5: Moderate Dementia

Typical duration: 1–3 years

This is often the stage where the changes become noticeable:

• Repeating questions
• Difficulty managing finances or medications
• Trouble with time and place
• Misplacing objects
• Less interest in news or technology
• Still conversational and socially engaged

People remain independent with basic care but need help with anything involving organization or memory. Most families don’t even realize this is “a stage” — it just feels like aging is getting harder.

Stage 6: Moderately Severe Dementia

Typical duration: 1–4 years

This is where many families find themselves, and it’s full of both grace and heartbreak.

Early Stage 6

 (where my loved one currently is):

• Confusion about home (“I want to go home,” even when they are home)
• Talking about long-deceased relatives as if they’re still alive
• Frequent misplacing of objects
• Needing help with routines
• Less interest in the outside world
• Still independent in basic self-care
• Still enjoys simple, comforting activities

Middle to Late Stage 6

Over time, families may see:

• More help needed with dressing or bathing
• Increased napping
• Shorter attention span
• More emotional vulnerability
• Eventual incontinence
• Deeper confusion about people and places

This is the longest stage and often includes long periods of stability where the person doesn’t get “worse” so much as more settled into their new normal.

Stage 7: Severe Dementia

Typical duration: 1–3 years

This is the final stage, but it arrives slowly and gently more often than people expect.

Early Stage 7

• Limited speech
• Needing help to eat
• Slower walking

Middle Stage 7

• Loss of walking
• Mostly nonverbal
• Difficulty swallowing

Late Stage 7

• Bed-bound
• Sleeping most of the day
• Body gradually slows down

Most people pass peacefully.

And very importantly: this is still far away for many families, even when the earlier stages feel overwhelming.

Why Understanding the Stages Helps

Dementia becomes less frightening when you understand what you’re seeing. Certain behaviors suddenly make sense. You stop asking your loved one to do things their brain can’t do anymore. You stop blaming yourself for “not doing enough.”

You begin to:

• recognize what’s normal
• accept what can’t be changed
• focus on what can still bring peace
• plan ahead with more calm and less fear
• appreciate moments of connection

And perhaps most importantly:

You stop feeling alone.

Once you talk about dementia out loud, people around you step forward and say, “That’s us too.” We just don’t talk about it enough.

Further Support, Helpful Resources, and Where to Learn More:

If you’re caring for someone with dementia, the right information can make a world of difference. These organizations offer clear, practical guidance and emotional support:

Alzheimer’s Association —https://www.alz.org

Clear explanations, caregiver guides, support groups, and a 24/7 helpline (800-272-3900).

A true lifeline for families.

National Institute on Aging — nia.nih.gov

Evidence-based information on dementia, caregiving, and behavior changes — written in plain language.

Family Caregiver Alliance — caregiver.org

Focused on supporting caregivers with tips, fact sheets, and emotional resources.

Dementia Care Central — dementiacarecentral.com

Practical advice, stage explanations, and communication tips for everyday challenges.

Teepa Snow’s Positive Approach to Care — teepasnow.com

Short, compassionate instructional videos that explain why dementia behaviors happen and how to respond gently.

Eldercare Locator — eldercare.acl.gov

Find local caregiving services, support programs, respite care, and your regional Area Agency on Aging.

A Final Thought

Dementia takes many things — memory, time, and sometimes pieces of the person we once knew. But it does not take away the capacity to feel love, safety, comfort, or connection.

If you’re on this journey, you are not failing.

You are loving.

You are showing up.

You are giving someone dignity in the stage of life where it matters most.

And that matters more than anything else.

Talk With a Specialist

Caring for someone with dementia is emotional, exhausting, and often confusing — and you should never feel like you have to navigate it alone. While guides like this can offer clarity and comfort, nothing replaces the insight of a qualified medical professional who can evaluate your loved one directly.

If you’re noticing changes in memory, behavior, or daily functioning, consider talking with:

✔ A Primary Care Physician

They can rule out treatable causes like vitamin deficiencies, thyroid issues, infections, medication interactions, and dehydration.

✔  A Neurologist or Memory Specialist

They can provide a clearer diagnosis, order the correct imaging (like an MRI with dementia-specific protocols), and help determine the stage and type of dementia.

✔ A Geriatrician

Specialists in aging who understand how dementia interacts with other health conditions.

✔  A Social Worker or Care Coordinator

They can guide families on practical next steps, resources, and long-term care planning.

🧠 Why This Matters

A doctor can help you and your family:

• confirm the stage of dementia
• check for conditions that mimic dementia
• create a safety plan
• adjust medications
• understand what to expect next
• manage sleep changes, confusion, or agitation
• support caregiver well-being

Putting a medical team around your loved one brings peace, structure, and reassurance — the things caregivers need most.

🩵 Things to Keep in Mind

You don’t have to be a medical expert to be a good caregiver.

You just have to ask questions, pay attention, and love them through each chapter.

And there is no shame — ever — in asking for help.

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